我了解有些人說話本身就很有破壞性, 絕對不是內心受傷時可以傾吐的對象. 以前我總是顧念舊情, 但現在我懂得保護自己. 沒有必要的傷害, 可以避免就避免. 我不會再去聽什麼為了你好. 其實也是一片好意之類的話. 或者對方也許不是這樣想, 傷害了人就躲起來遠避. 我還能怎樣想? 我不再去聽人們說什麼, 我只看實際上這個人做了什麼.
曾經遇到非常沒同理心的人, 這樣的人只會在我的傷口上灑鹽, 嘲笑. 自己一再的往好處想, 卻也發現他一再的傷害我. 沒同理心真的也是一種人格特質, 無藥可救. 最後可以做的就是保持距離. 可笑的是這類人往往是更自以為是. 其實默默地走開, 他也不會發現少了一個朋友. 先照顧自己, 遠離有危險性的人, 才是對自己人道.
Check points for finding relationships that are healthy and avoiding those that are not.
UNSAFE PEOPLE
1. Think they have it all together instead of admitting their weaknesses.
2. Are defensive instead of open to feedback.
3. Are self-righteous instead of humble.
4. Only apologize instead of changing their behavior.
5. Avoid working on their problems instead of dealing with them.
6. Demand trust, instead of earning it.
7. Belive they are perfect instead of admitting their faults.
8. Blame others instead of taking responsibility.
9. Will lie instead of being honest.
10. Are stagnant instead of growing.
11. Avoid closeness instead of connecting.
12. Are only concerned about "I" instead of "we" (not relationship centered)
13. Resist freedom instead of encouraging it.
14. Condemn us instead of forgiving us.
15. Stay in parent/child roles instead of relating as equals.
16. Are unstable over time instead of being consistent.
17. Are a negative influence on us, rather than a positive one.
18. Gossip instead of keeping our confidences.
SAFE PEOPLE
1. Value love - connection - have the ability to trust.
2. Value responsibility (take responsibility for themselves and value that in others) Neither overly dependent on others nor codependent - feeling responsible for others
3. Value honesty - ability to be known - transparent - who they really are.
4. Working on their own issues
5. Respond to truth
6. Have a good track record (may fail, but learn from failure and move on, are in progress of making a good track record even if this is a new beginning for them)
7. Can be observed and tested - see them in interactions with other people (test them with a small part of yourself, share a part of your heart and see what happens)
8. Bear good fruit in your life by being with them (encourage you to grow individually and in your connection with other people)
By Henry Cloud and John Townsend.
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